# 1 – Self-Examination

Marriage and relationships are two of my favorite subjects. When it’s all said and done, we will always wish we did a better job of caring for the relationships we have with those closest to us.

This blog is a place for us to communicate with the goal of having better, more positive, joyful, and satisfying relationships. I want to pass on to you what I have learned in my relationships over the years. With just a few critical adjustments, life can be amazing.

I am open to whatever comes to mind. I want to talk about what it means to examine ourselves, be classy, less irritable, less inhibited, more desirable, live intentionally, and be more self and socially aware. 

I will warn you. I speak plainly. I don’t mince words. I don’t sugar coat my thoughts. I will pass on my experiences in life to benefit you. If you ask me a question, I will give you my honest opinion. You may or may not agree with me. That’s ok. I will respect you and your thoughts, and I expect the same from you. 

Some of what I say will be thought-provoking for you. I hope you take my thoughts as I mean them. I am writing this blog because I care about people and marriage. I want you to learn from my mistakes and take a good look at yourselves to see if you have any areas in your life where you can put some of what you learn into practice. I have had to do that over the past several years and it has been very eye-opening, although an on-going process. 

The first topic is self-examination. If we don’t honestly evaluate our own behavior, we will be behind in all our relationships. If we want our marriages to be better, we must attend to ourselves first. 

Our behavior must be near the top of our To Do list. How do we respond in different situations? Do we complain, blame others, talk overly loudly, argue, act in such a way we know will get us attention, often inappropriate attention? Are we arrogant? Do we have a pride issue? Do we talk about others’ behavior to our friends? Do we have empathy for others? Do we treat each other with respect? Do we talk about ourselves more than we listen? Do we act like we don’t care what people think of us? We may think, “If they don’t like us, tough,” but we do care.

One thing to remember is someone is always watching, and someone is always listening. That someone may just be the person who is being disrespected. 

I see so many men and women who have not been taught to have class. Class refers to many behaviors. Basically, it is having high standards of behavior and good manners. Are we polite and humble? Do we have a positive or negative mindset? Are we kind, thankful, generous, and genuine? Do we have personal and social awareness? Do we attend to our appearance, or do we go to Wal-Mart looking like we just got out of bed and decided to get some ice-cream?

Some of us go through life not knowing basic behaviors that will make all our relationships better. With just a few adjustments on our part, life can drastically change. Yes, we each are responsible for our behavior. We cannot change others, but we can change ourselves. 

We need to start tasting our words before we say them. If we picture ourselves on the receiving end of our harsh, disrespectful, or judgmental words, how would we feel?

Intentional living and personal responsibility go hand-in-hand. This realization is essential to have change for the better. I can’t stress this enough. One of the hardest things for people to do is to look at themselves completely objectively, see their shortcomings, and make necessary changes. Yes, we all have shortcomings. 

The first step to better our lives is to think about, honestly evaluate, and then acknowledge to ourselves our negative behavior that needs to change. We must take responsibility for our own behavior. We can truly only control ourselves. That’s a large enough task without worrying about trying to change another person. 

I was sitting in a sermon one Sunday several years ago and the pastor was talking about marriage and control. At that time in my life, I had an issue with control. I wanted things to be done my way. Suddenly, I heard the Lord tell me, “If you’re so good at controlling situations and others, control yourself.” I was stunned. It was a revelation to me. I have never forgotten that. From that simple thought, my life has changed in that area, and for the better. 

I understand it is not always one person’s fault, I get it! As we all know, we can only control our own behavior. If you think you will change your husband or wife, you have another think coming. It is amazing to see how differently people treat us when we simply change our own behavior for the better.

Self-examination must be the first step to improving our relationships. Don’t take this lightly. We must be willing and able to do this, and it must be done with a fine-tooth comb. If you can’t do this, you may as well stop reading now. 

This first post is getting a bit long, so I will end it here. Please email me any comments or questions, and I will answer in the next post. If you have read this far, thank you. I hope I have given you some good food for thought.

If I get questions or requests to speak on a particular aspect of relationships, I will do that as well. I will post each week. I look forward to talking with you. 🙂