Renewing Love

I Want the SPARK Back

Do you ever feel that your love relationship is missing the spark it once had? If so, you’re not alone.

Sometimes our love relationship can get a little stale. It’s not that we want it to —  it’s mostly because we get busy with life and don’t pay a lot of attention to the signs. If not corrected, those apathetic attitudes can build into something bigger, eroding the passion, love and fun you once knew.

What Causes Love Erosion?

Jobs, household duties, financial burdens, children, pets, friends, extended family, sports, hobbies — all these things are part of life. Some bring us joy, others are more of a responsibility.

How can you renew the love in your marriage? I’m not talking about love that is totally gone or damage that is due to abuse. For a moment, let’s exclude all the items listed above and concentrate on just the TWO of YOU. Husband and Wife.  How can you put the spark back in your relationship?

Bride and groom holding hands and balancing on rails

The day you married, you started out on the same track. You did everything together and loved being in each other’s company. You worked in tandem — talking about where you want to live, where you will take vacations. You may have even discussed whether or not you want children, how many, boys or girls.

And in everything you did while apart (say, at work), you were always considering the other spouse and what he/she would like to do, and what would bring them joy. Simple decisions like where to have dinner were determined in this totally selfless way.

Gradually, a few months or years down the road, however, you settle into the routine. Ah yes, the routine! Before long, you find yourself feeling more like an individual who happens to be married, rather than a spouse who also has his/her own identity. Do you see the difference?

It’s Normal

It IS normal to settle into a comfort zone of security. In fact, when you trust and love your spouse, you become more confident in your marriage. You assure yourself that all is well because you KNOW that other person so well, you know they solidly love you, as you reciprocate that love. It’s easy. It’s stress free.

Interesting FACT

Here’s an interesting fact about being in love. The butterflies you felt as a young person in love, you know the feeling — that giddiness that  makes you light up inside — THAT feeling is not just for the young. I repeat, being in love is NOT just for the young! Older couples, one might think, are so settled in their relationship that they barely speak to one another. We often observe couples dining out who don’t have one thing to say to each other. However, the opposite is also true. Couples who have been married for 10, 20, 30, 40 or more years are observed in playful exchanges that really makes others around them smile! We may say, “Aww, isn’t that cute. Look how attentive he is to his wife,” or “How sweet it is that they still hold hands while they walk along.” Clearly, couples at ANY age can have that deep ABIDING love. “Sounds great”, you say. “But how”?

Keeping the Spark Lit

You may have heard it said that marriage takes work. Saying it that way makes it sound difficult. I prefer to call it EFFORT. The effort you put into something is easy when you love what you do. For example, if you enjoy gardening (and we know that is also hard work), the effort you put into gardening brings you joy when you see the results! You derive pleasure and pride from your efforts. The same is true of effort put into growing your love relationship. This is such a HUGE topic. I say “huge” because of the benefits derived from putting your love relationship in the right priority.

So, How Can YOU Make It Better?

Start with simple steps. I have prepared a CHECK LIST that will help you to see areas where you can IMMEDIATELY start making things better.

To get the Check List, click this link:

4 Steps to Preventing Love Erosion



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